Having Kids Ruined My Life - part one

This is totally a fun piece for me, just reminiscing, I guess.

I have been in the ministry my whole life – being raised in a pastor’s home, and then choosing the ministry as my own vocation – I have seen all kinds of people.  I think I have seen almost everything. I’ve seen all kinds of kid, planned, unplanned, adopted, stolen, foster, abused, coddled, bratty, special needs, exceptional …

I was 19 when Jeff and I got married.  He had specific career plans, his life plan included kids, but not as quickly as I would have liked.  I am so glad that I heeded his wisdom.   I had baby-fever, so when my niece, Wendy, was born, there was no greater event or person in the world.

Just the 6 of us

Pre-Wendy we could go anywhere, any time at the drop of a hat.  Post-Wendy meant planning ahead, baby sitters, and milk pumping.  Basically, life as they knew it for Mike and Ronda, it was over.  Our lives changed, too.  They were our movie, go out in the evening, go to fun places buddies.   Post-Wendy put a huge halt to that life.  I may sound like I am complaining, but I’m not, remember Wendy was the greatest event of my life up to that point.

My family had a Sunday afternoon lunch ritual.   After church on Sunday, we would decide where we were going, and go have lunch, the 6 of us, sometimes we invited others, but that was our family lunch for the week.   With Wendy, that started becoming a little more difficult.  If she needed a nap, or was starving because she had eaten all of her snacks in the nursery, or whatever, lunch wasn’t as fun.   When Jarrod came along, lunches really weren't as fun.

Wendy was as excited for baby Jarrod (Zeh-wood) as we were.  At only 2 years old, she wanted to hold him and give him his bottle.  She wanted to help with diapers, she would constantly pop his pacifier back into his mouth.  One day Ronda and I were in the front seat of the car, and the kids were in the back, Wendy's seat faced forward, Jarrod's faced backward, so they were looking at each other.  Jarrod started pitching a fit, so Wendy took her bah-bah and stuck it in his mouth. 

And then there were 8

Pretty soon we had two toddlers at the lunch table, and found ourselves taking turns going  for walks around the restaurant.  One of us would take the kids for a walk, while the others ate and chatted, and then switch off.  It started becoming burdensome, then Angela came.  Life, again, as we knew it, was over.   No more lunches for Mike and Ronda, they had to get the girls home.  All we are talking about is Sunday lunch!  And our lives were changed forever.

When I was pregnant with Jarrod I asked my doctor how long it would take to get myself back to 100%, he told me, “never”.  Apparently, even as an educated 25 year old woman, I didn’t realize that giving birth does irreparable damage to the body.   Pelvic floor change is just the start.  I had no clue how my body, not the best of bodies for giving birth would change.  Sure, diet and exercise got me back to my weight, but my stamina was never the same – I had a baby, then he was a toddler, preschooler, a brother, and I started all over again.

Now the 10 of us

Angela, who is now 17, asked me how long it would take before we started talking about childbirth at the Thanksgiving table, after all, every conversation in our family somehow relates back to some kind of childbirth story.  I did my best to avoid the subject all day.  Cooking, eating, dessert, all passed before the dreaded child birth discussion came up.  We just laughed.  I think that was the longest it had taken, it usually makes it into the regular meal time topic.  What Angela, and most of us don’t realize, is that we discuss childbirth because it was such a life changing, body altering event.

My friend, Yvonne and I have decided that a new tradition should begin.  On the birthday of each child, the mother should receive a gift, too.  We discussed this with our husbands, but so far, nil.

My very sweet, special friend could not give birth to children.  She and her husband have adopted five in addition to the scores of foster children they have helped.  When the childbirth stories come up at the table, she doesn’t have one, I try to remind her how fortunate she was that she got to miss that part, even though, I know she feels like she missed something.  But still her kids ruined her life.  What she knew pre-kids would never again be.  Those cats had to go out!

I entitled this part one because all I did was tell you how the kids ruined our family lunch.  I haven’t even started on the careers, houses, cars, quiet evenings, or days off.   Of course this is all done tongue in cheek, I wouldn’t NOT have my kids, and still, nothing can prepare you for  the change that comes with a kid.

The fab 4, oh my how they change ....

Now the kids are almost grown.  My mom mentioned great-grandkids the other day, and I wanted to slap her – haha.  We are just now back to our scheduled Sunday lunches.  Except now the kids eat and run.  Off to call times for choir, study groups, or special events.   Now we wish we could just stick them in the high chair and make them sit and bang a spoon and smoosh crackers.  Now we don’t just have the six of us, not even the ten of us anymore, we have added an eleventh, a boyfriend.    We love him so much we don’t know what we did without him, and what we will do without him when he gets replaced.

For now, our Sunday lunches are back, but we have different conversations.  Now we talk about yes, child birth, but also tuition payments, who is getting braces next, when and where is the next volleyball game, music recital, or school play.  

Almost 22 years ago our lives were ruined.  And I would not have it any other way.

K