Many times with depression, the question is to medicate or not to medicate. The traditional dr. chooses to medicate. I am a proponent of medications, there are many meds on the market that are very helpful. The non-traditional dr. might suggest supplements. I also agree with supplements, I believe a healthy balance of both is the best way to go.
Here is my philosophy, I do not believe there are any gold medals in heaven for people who suffer unnecessarily. In fact, Proverbs 18:9 in the Amplified Bible says, "... he who does not use his endeavors to heal himself is brother to him who commits suicide." Proverbs goes on to say that God is our strong tower and those who run into it are safe - If you will be proactive about your health, God will lead the way to safety.
I'm going to try to not mention drug names, but if you would like to know what I take or have taken, e-mail me. I must state that I can not recommend or not recommend any medication - I'm just telling you what my experience was. I can not suggest or recommend the starting or stopping of any medication.
There has been a controversy over medications for depression, some say that they cause suicidal thoughts, some don't like the way they "feel" on the meds. Some can't think straight. Others are afraid that they will become addicted. Sometimes the side effects are worse than the medication. Whatever the controversy, the mental anguish that accompanies depression is absolutely painful. Its a pain that can't be described. Where does depression hurt? Everywhere - you just can't pin point it. I wished I could have a broken leg or something tangible, but that's not how depression works. I needed the medication.
By October, 2000 at USC, I was taking depression meds, I don't recall the other meds for my esophogeal upset, pancreatic spasms, and insomnia. This is where it gets crazy. Give me a list of every antidepressant on the market by the year 2000, and that's what I took. Nothing worked. Every tricyclic, SSRI, antiseizure and sedative. One made me ANGRY and one made me throw up. Most made me nervous or sleepy. My heart palpatated, my periods stopped, I even had a med that gave everything a blue haze - no it was not Viagra*. The same with the non-traditional meds. SJW had just come on the market and was the hottest topic around. DHEA, and many other letter and number combinations, I tried them all.
The dr. knew I needed sleep. My mom took me to their condo in Palm Springs. To my embarrassment, my dr. prescribed and talked me into trying an antipsychotic. I cried, and said, "but I'm not crazy!" But when I took it, I could finally sleep. The first time I took it I slept for 12 hours straight. We had to find the right dose, I had to adjust to the side effects. It wasn't easy, but it was the start of putting me back together.
I take a list of meds. I have to remember my meds, take them on time, and sometimes it feels like a full time job. When I walk into a new drs. office I have it written down for them. I've been asked, "do they all work?" To tell you the truth I have no idea, I've been to so many drs. I can't even remember who initially prescribed it. I believe its been God's help that has given wisdom to the drs. to help me find what has worked for me.
God has held my hand through this entire process. Much has been extraordinarily difficult. God has now lead me to a new Christian dr. who is helping me improve my health, take off some weight, and then come off of each med safely, one at a time. God has many ways of healing you. Its your job to take responsibility for yourself and seek His face and His wisdom.
Kristi, I am finally sending you a response. Let's just hope I don't add myself as a follower of your blog a 4th time. I am trying to figure out to delete 2 of me here but have been unsuccessful so far. I guess it will be me and my multiple personalities for now:-)
ReplyDeleteFirst off, thank you so much for taking the time and doing your blog. You are not only doing yourself some good, but you are helping others...I am confident of it. What I have heard and seen is that there is a stigma associated with depression and with mental illness in general. People with a mental illness are referred to as crazy by some and that is not always the truth. Depression knows no boundaries, is not connected primarily with a certain gender, ethnicity, religion or belief. It happens due to various causes as you already are aware. I have battled depression since childhood and I do believe, as well as the many counselors and psychologists and psychiatrists believe that my depression stemmed largely from my abuse which I endured as a child and adolescent. Had I not found a safe haven at Bethel, I don't think I would be writing this now. I am certain that God had a plan for me from the start and although I didn't realize it, I am thankful that God got me through the rough times to where I am now.
I have to send the rest in a 2nd comment....apparently I use too many characters
I believe in medications as indicated. I also believe that, in addition to taking medications, we can absolutely do other things to help ourselves in the process. There are the basics: watch your diet and eat as healthy as possible, drink water daily, get enough sleep, EXERCISE! I just love that "e" word and if you want to join me in some exercise let me know. That is the one thing I have not been diligent in doing. I post on FB when I exercise and what I find that works and I feel great after I am done exercising. So now I am advocating exercise 3-4 days a week. It helps you get in shape, it lifts your mood, and it helps you sleep better....
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with you that depression and the mental anguish which accompanies it is awful....absolutely devastating. You just don't hurt emotionally, but physically as well.
You want it to end and you want to feel normal again. I am certain that if someone has not gone through it, they just don't what you are going through. You just can't snap out of it as hard as you try and your life is affected as is your families.
continued cause I like to blab
I am very grateful to a wonderful nurse practitioner who takes good care of me. When Phil's dad died suddenly about 5 years ago, I had just started back into college again. I was at work and it was around 5 pm when Phil was coming home from his job on the Metrolink from Irvine. The caregivers found Phil's dad on the bathroom floor and already in heaven. Nurses have an ability to be able to "suck it up" during any kind of circumstance just about. I quickly signed off to my co-workers delegating the care of my patients over to them as I needed to leave immediately. I was sucking it up as I was hearing complaints from a co-worker because "she had to take another patient." I looked at her, feeling like I had a knife in my heart and I said, "my father-in-law is dead....what don't you understand about that? I need to get to my husband and my boys." I am sure I gave her an annoyed and agitated look. I should not have had to explain to her again why I was leaving. I got to my family as quickly as I could and poor Daniel was screaming and hitting his head into a wall. Chris was crying and looked lost. Phil looked like he was in shock. I did what I could and I sucked it up. We all made it to the care facility to see the mortuary take Phil's dad away. His death slowly but surely ate away at my resolve to stay sane. I somehow managed to finish up my final for General Psychology at RCC and I needed to put my application in at LLU. But I couldn't think well enough to tell them why I thought I should be allowed admission. I couldn't think...eat....sleep. Depression was back again. I was fortunate to get an appointment with Kathy my NP. I got on an antidepressant and got some sleep meds and life got better. She is genuinely concerned about me and if I had not been proactive, I would not be graduating this June. I get very emotional writing about this because I so very much want to help people as I have been doing but in a different capacity. I saw where I was and where I am now and I get emotional because I am so grateful for the people God has put into my life. Nursing has been my life and career for 25 years. Getting this degree from a Christian University means so much because I had other universities to choose from but the fact that LLU is a Christian University and I am a Christian...this means a lot to me. God is making it happen. LLU School of Nursing is in the process of creating a new nursing specialty, Family Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner. There is no other university in the IE that teaches the care of the family in the psychiatric setting that I know of. I am looking forward to being a part of this program when the university begins to accept students in fall, 2011.
ReplyDeleteThanks once again Kristi for writing about what you have gone through with depression. I feel that those who are struggling with depression will be uplifted in seeing how you have been dealing with it and it will be helpful and encouraging to them.
Keep on writing....I look forward to hearing about how you are doing!
Love, Lisa