Insomnia

For those who suffer from insomnia, know the word suffer doesn't even quite describe it.  Did you know that sleep deprivation is a form of torture?  Well, that's what insomnia is - torture.

It isn't the fact that you can't fall asleep, its that you won't.   "In the wee small hours of the morning, while the whole wide world is fast asleep, I lie awake a dream about the girl, and never even think of counting sheep ...." is a little lullaby that I used to sing to Jarrod, I don't even know where it came from, but its actually poignant.

While everyone is sleeping, you're not, and while the whole world, it seems, even the cat is asleep, you are lying awake.   Not only are you dreaming about the boy or girl who got away, but of every other mistake you made that day and 20 years ago.   Counting sheep?  How about counting Tylenol PM!

The ever running narrative is a cruel joke.  Perhaps its because I enjoy writing, that I lay - lie, whatever, there and have zingers going through my head.   I am supposed to be sleeping next to a man who is snoring like a freight train, or steam engine, his honks put the Queen Mary to shame.

There's the brain cramp.  I would like to tell you that the brain cramp is real, and actually hurts.  You are there, and trying to quiet your mind.  You literally think, "o.k., think of one thing, o.k., Jesus, yes, that's a nice picture of Jesus, oh, but wait, there's that other picture of Jesus I could meditate on, no, I'll stick with this one, o.k. meditate on Jesus.   Hmmmm I'm thinking of one thing, Jesus.  Ouch, this hurts, If I let my mind run, then it won't hurt, but if I just keep my mind focused on Jesus I'll go to sleep.... Hmmmm, Jesus.  Oh crud, did I feed the cat?"   And the brain cramp is over.

The body - at this point in my life, actually laying - lying, whatever - in bed can be painful.   I am so fat that my  arms and hands fall asleep.    If I don't have the pillow just right, I get heartburn, and I'm always too warm.  It's easy to say, "well, lose weight."  Well, you try to lose weight when you're sleep walking during the day, and the only thing that keeps you awake is that double latte and donut.

The anticipation, I think, may be the worst.  Its rehearsing how you will function the next day knowing you will not have had enough sleep to walk, let alone think.  Think?  No, that's what I'm doing right now, thinking about tomorrow.  If I don't get to sleep now, I will only have 5 hours of sleep.... 4 hours, 45 minutes .... what will I do?  I'm going to be so  tired, how will I manage? Some experts suggest turning the clock around so that you can't watch the time tick away, I've tried that one, it doesn't matter.

I've often referred to insomnia as my "old friend" since we have spent so many years together.   I have encountered insomnia since childhood.  At that time, it was no caffeine after 4 p.m., no t.v. after a certain time, lights out early, keep the room dark, keep the room cool, run a fan, play soft music... My grandmother used to lay or lie in her bed and sing song after song after song at night, and I would hear her.  I think that's how I learned a lot of the old hymns.

Insomnia isn't my friend, it is my enemy.  I have combated it in every way I know how.  There are nights that I just have to roll with it.  My greatest weapon against insomnia, besides leaving my snoring husband, is the Word of God.  Speaking in tongues, singing praise and worship songs, and meditating scriptures is what gets me through.   My favorite is:

Come to me all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest - Matthew 11

There are so many more, I searched Biblegateway for "come to me" and there are so many good scriptures about casting your cares on to the Lord.  The key is to know the scripture before you go to bed.

My expert advice, take all of the other expert advice and then take the time before bed to read your Bible.  Grab your meditation scripture for the night, and turn off the light and go to sleep.   Trust that He will give you rest.

K
1:15 a.m.