Swimsuit Season Is ______________

How do you fill in that blank?  I'm going to guess that most will fill in the blank with something negative.  As it comes every year, swimsuit season is in full swing, there's no way around it.  I'm in my mid-forties, post-menopausal, obese, and have a C-section scar from hip to hip.   Yeah, I'm sexy and I know it.

My family goes to Lake Tahoe every year.  We spend a week with my husband's family.  Honestly, a swimsuit may be one of the most dreaded aspects of our trip.   Jeff's sister is older than me, she takes great care of herself.  She exercises, eats right, and has a nice healthy color and glow to her skin.  She wears a bikini.  She looks great.  I'm happy for her.   I feel like a pile of mashed potatoes next to her.

I decided to take a new tac.  I ordered a "Marilyn Monroe" bikini from Wal-Mart.  It was generous in the top, and the bottoms came up to my belly button. Despite how I may have looked, I wore my "bikini" and swam in the lake, tanned, and I enjoyed myself.  I still felt like a pile of mashed potatoes, but a brave pile of mashed potatoes.

In the grocery store line we are bombarded with magazine headlines - "lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks";  "get that swim suit body with just 10 minutes of these exercises" ... Our society constantly points out imperfection.  Even the women on the magazines aren't perfect so the pictures are edited.

We have all laughed at the pictures of epic swimsuit fails that circle the internet.  One of my youtube favorites is a man in a "speedo" joining a step class by a pool. Why is this video funny? It appears he is doing the whole thing just for laughs, it appears he knows that the speedo isn't the best look for him.   However, what caught my eye is that even though his belly overflows, and the speedo looks like it could snap at any moment, he does the step class with such gusto, and he keeps up with the class, he's much more coordinated than the skinny guys in the back taking the class.

In this very famous Sports Illustrated shoot, Kathy Ireland admitted that she felt fat and ugly during the shoot as she was featured with two other beautiful women.  Can you find the fat and ugly one in this picture?  That's because she doesn't exist.  She "felt", she wasn't.






I recently read an article, "I wore a bikini and nothing happened" by Jenny Trout.   Apparently Jenny and I are about the same size, and it seems that last year we had the exact same thought.   I am tired of defining myself by what I believe to be other people's perception of me.  I am tired of not feeling comfortable in my own skin.  I am tired of considering what other people think of me holding me back from what I want to do.

I "shared" that article on facebook, and a friend mentioned how helpful it was because she was facing a similar situation with a family reunion.  Her post baby body isn't in any way close to the world's standards or even her own standards of what a swimsuit body is supposed to look like. She didn't have time to get her body "ready" she was just going to have to go and make the best of it.

I had an epiphany.  Am I going to lose weight and exercise just so I will look better in a swimsuit? Uh, no, that's not a good enough reason.  The reason to lose weight and take better care of myself has to do with something else inside, until I get what is inside fixed, worrying about how I look in a swimsuit is waaaay down the list.  However, with my bikini I had made another step toward finding myself, and becoming more comfortable in my own skin.

A few days ago a friend and her kids came to swim at my house.  I had the Marilyn Monroe top on, and a pair of shorts.  I feel very safe with her.  She, in her model ready body said to me, "that's a good look for you."  That meant the world to me.  I was comfortable in my own skin that day.  I had not apologized for my appearance, I just was, and that is how I need to be.

My beauty, my worth, my value, the fact that I love and deserve to be loved back are not wrapped up in what I look like in a swimsuit or any other clothes.  Those attributes have to do with my character, my personality, my intellect, my ability to accept and love others.  None of those attributes can be judged by a stranger as they watch me walk down the beach in my bikini.  Those attributes can only be judged by the people with whom I share my true self.  Just like my friend who complemented me, those people see me for my overall beauty, not just what I look like in a swimsuit.

Swimsuit season is not my enemy.  That's how I fill in that blank.

K

Proverbs 31:30, Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.  Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.