Feeling Incompetent?

My first Maas family gathering took place in our brand new house.  We moved in May 5, 1990 and I believe I was hostessing in June.   I was maybe 21 if my birthday had come.   There were almost 20 Maases, some I had never met before because they were visiting from out of state.  I had been married a whopping year and a half.  I was wet behind the ears and extremely green.

 Its not easy being green.  The whole thing was a disaster.  The first of many issues, I read the directions wrong on the lasagnas and instead of one hour and 50 minutes, I read 1 hour or 50 minutes, meaning the main entree was going to be at least an hour late.   It was June, so my oven well heated the small house full of people.

My tiny freezer could not hold enough ice, and we ran out of ice and drinks which meant a trip to circle K.   My appetizers were completely eaten by my hungry guests, so I served the salad and bread sticks without the lasagna that wasn't ready yet.   Graciously an environmentally conscious relative let me know that she was a vegetarian - my next course would be lasagna with meat sauce.

Feeling stupid, incompetent, and clueless, the lasagna was finally served.  After we ate, a second overly environmentally conscious college aged relative felt it necessary to save the environment by recycle by washing.   He and his girlfriend were digging it out of the trash, and washing it, the plastic ware, red cups, and the disposable lasagna pans.  That actually insulted me.  I would have used the real stuff if I would have known someone was willing to do the dishes. (sarcasm)

Not that I wasn't feeling inadequate enough, another relative asked me why I had not chosen to buy one of the houses around the corner, after all they were "so much prettier".  As she toured my little home, she seemed to belittled every item in my brand new house.  She was not pleased with my carpet and tile choices, wondered why all of my closet doors were not mirrored, as well as gave her unsolicited advice on how to decorate and run my house.

As I said, it was a disaster.  My first hostess occasion has affected me greatly.  Not only was this experience a point of contention between me and Jeff for many times to come, I cried about it for years.  After some forgiveness and personal soul searching, I can laugh about it now.

This is a very telling story, because, in an interesting twist of fate, one of my jobs at church is extremely unique.  I call myself the "in-house caterer."  I arrange volunteers to bring in food, wares, time and energy to feed our guests, like our kind hearted husband and wife speaking guests last month, or the 160 member male chorale from the local University.  I've fed 2, I've fed 200.  Actually, 200 is easier, believe it or not.

Back in June of 1990 I could have given up.  I could have decided that I was not cut out for hostessing, and that it was something that was just out of my reach.   How many times have you tried something and had it go completely wrong, so you vowed never to do it again?

What amazing blessings I would have missed out on in my lifetime.  I am not a star-struck person, perhaps that is why God chose me to host people from all over the globe, emmy and grammy winners, fathers and  mothers of the faith, hero athletes, heads of state, young starving pastors, and casts of passion plays that exceed no other.

I am blessed, not because I get to boast about who I know, but I am blessed because I LOVE what I do.  The Bible says that if you give a cup of cold water to a prophet that you reap a prophet's reward (Mark 9).  I have all kinds of rewards coming to me in heaven.  I also reap the rewards on earth, the ones of satisfaction of a job well done, and my fulfillment because of my love of cooking, and once in a life time opportunities, meeting interesting people.

In 1990, I could have decided that my house wasn't good enough, that my skills were inadequate, and completely shut down my desire to open my home and serve others.  I didn't.  Jeff and I have always opened our home to kids.  Before we had kids, we had kids.  I realized, especially with kids, it doesn't matter how clean the house is, how much excitement might be here, if someone feels welcome, they will stay.   Since 1990 we have had countless guests, a few room mates, parties, weddings, receptions, showers, school events and even a prom at the various houses in which we have lived.

We are in a new phase of life, the "at home" college student.  Thank God he lives at home, or we certainly wouldn't be able to afford our current house.  We moved from the house that had everything, sold it, rented another house for a year so we could rebuild our credit, and now have purchased another home exactly where we wanted to be.  So now, two houses and 2,200 less square feet later, we have a more humble backyard, a tiny guest room, and I don't know if I will ever be settled in, but we are happy.

The reward I cherish most is the delight I take in my "children", those to whom I did not give birth, but  that grace my home very often.  Its so fun to hear the front door open behind me, and a voice announce his/her arrival. I immediately know it is one of "my" kids coming home for a brief break between college classes, a quick snack or meal, a little dip in the pool, or to stay the night in air conditioning.  There are two couches in our 11 x 11 "guest" room. At least one of those couches is occupied almost every night.

I am finding that the Lord makes the woman keep house for her Spiritual children.  (Psalm 113) What is funny about that is that my house is a mess.  There are  dishes in the sink, laundry on the couch, hacked up fur balls on the floor, but "my" kids don't care, they are happy to be here.  I am thrilled that I don't need any more of my own, I just get to love these, and then send them home, and their parents can pay for their tuition.

God has blessed us because we didn't give up.  I didn't let my feelings of disaster and inadequacy stop me from pursuing what I love.   If God has given you a desire, don't let anything get in your way.  What's the old saying?  If at first you don't succeed, try, try again ....

K