Screw Loose (part two)

The human brain is an amazing piece of God's handiwork.  King David said we are "fearfully and wonderfully made," the "awe" in awesome doesn't begin to express the complexity upon our shoulders.

The Loose Screw

I've likened depression to a race car on fire - just one screw loose can ruin the race.  I talked about thoughts that the brains grabs ahold of, and then spirals out of control.

If the brain did not have a loose screw, the thought may never go through the brain, but since the loose screw has caused a misfire, the thought ends up recurring like a skip on an old record.

I've heard these thoughts referred to as "F.E.A.R."  I don't really live in fear as some would define it, like what if my kids are in a car accident, but I have discovered that I live in a different kind of fear. The fear that attacks me is the F.E.A.R. - False Evidence Appearing Real kind.

I really haven't like that acronym, it has bothered me that there could be "false evidence".  Then I thought of a crooked trial lawyer, or a cop on the take.   False evidence is admitted into court all of the time.  It is the job of the judge and jury to sort out the true facts and come to a verdict.

First of all, my pastor preaches a message called "that's not my thought."  When a thought comes to you that does not belong, say, "that's not my thought," and replace it with a Scripture, a true representation of who you are in God's eyes.  I will soon refer back to this.

If you are not a depression sufferer, think of when you have the flu, or a cold.   Your entire body hurts, your brain hurts, you can't think clearly.  Sometimes you have so much sinus congestion that it feels like your head will explode.    Or when you have the throw-ups and have to spend the night in the bathroom - it feels like the night will never be over.... Your perception is skewed.

Now that I tried to explain how the brain works like a race car, I will share with you my symptoms of depression, and the processes I go through.

Fatigue.  Most depression sufferers start with fatigue.  The word "depress" means to push something down.  For me, the first thing is my energy and stamina, that's what gets pressed down.  Then my perception gets skewed.  Before I know it, I am stuck on the couch in what I call an episode.

So my first negative thought caused by misfire is "I am so tired, I will never have energy again."  The great thing about episodes are that they are for a set duration, at some point this thought will be over. So, after saying, "that's not my thought."  I examine the evidence and know that it is not true, I WILL have energy again.

It is so important to stop and examine the evidence - true or false.  I am not a journal type person, so when I convince myself, with God's help, to get off of the couch, I usually end up in front of the bathroom mirror.   I have to verbalize my thoughts to sort them out.

I'm going to share some of the thoughts I have had recently.  If you are a depression sufferer, it may help you to know I think these things too.  If you are part of the general population, perhaps this will help you to understand your loved ones, or just me.

Here's the thought on the broken record.  I am a bad mother because I do not cook breakfast,on lunch, and dinner for my  children .... therefore they will lack nourishment, and have issues for the rest of their lives, and it is my fault because I am a bad mother.

After I stated that's not my thought, I took the "false evidence" and examined against reality, what I found:  My children are emotionally stable, good Christian functioning people.  I am a good mother.  As for what they eat, it does not determine their worth, what I offer them in support in their Spirit and Soul will far outlast their lack of nutrtion.  Some might argue with me, and that's ok, that's your opinion, but it doesn't make me a bad mother.

Here's more physical proof: Jarrod has taken over responsibility of his nutritional needs, and in the past 6 months has lost 50 pounds.  He is maintaining his weight, and teaching himself about good nutrition.  Now here's the Spiritual proof:  Matthew 6 tells us to not worry about what we will eat or drink, but to seek the kingdom of God first, and then those things will be taken care of.

Here's a good one:  I'm so fat that I am an embarrassment to my family.  Has anyone seen my family? We're all fat.  What is so special about me that I should single myself out as the one person that is the embarrassment?  In God's eyes we are all equal.

I think I have shared this before, some months ago Jeff and I attended a party where many of his old high school buddies and their wives would be.    Just before we got out of the car I said to Jeff, "What if after we leave they all say, "wow, Jeff's wife is really fat, poor guy."?  Jeff in his logical voice said, "Well, if they say it after we leave, you'll never hear it, and since you'll never see these people ever again, it won't matter."  My husband has such wisdom.

So there's three, 
I will never be normal again, 
I am a bad mother,
my family is embarrassed of me.  

Lies!  They are all lies, I tell ya!  

Proverbs 18 says that the first one to state his case seems right until he is cross examined.


These things may not mean much to you, but when your brain is misfiring, and your perception of reality is skewed, even the little things can seem mammoth.   I'll talk more about how to combat the lies, but let me leave you with this:

Whatever is true, just, right, honorable, lovely, admirable, worthy of recognition - think on THESE things. (Philippians 4)

K