My name is Kristi, and I am a food adict

I watched a movie the other night, "Flight".  It wasn't so much about an airplane crash as it was about addiction.  I cried.  I have seen so many people addicted to alcohol and drugs.  I have watched them lie to themselves, their families, their loved ones and ruin lives.  I understand that kind of addiction.

Food is different.  After all the body requires food.  Also, food addiction doesn't usually break up families the way other addictions do.  But wait a minute, when I celebrate, food is involved, if I'm sad, food is involved, if I'm lonely, food is involved, when I go to church, food is involved, when I go to work, I have to have my burrito.  Before I go to bed, I have to have a snack.

I can blame my need for food on several extenuating circumstances. Such as I take meds that make me hungry.  I'm not talking hungry, I'm talking HUNGRY!  If I don't have a snack before bed, I will wake up at 3:00 a.m. and not be able to sleep because my brain thinks it needs food.  I never feel full, my body constantly hurts, and I need a "boost" to get me going every day.



These are crutches that I have convinced myself that I am not in control.  Wait, I AM IN CONTROL OF MY BODY, at least I AM SUPPOSED TO BE.  I create my own pitfalls:

I make cupcakes.  It pleases me to make a good cupcake.  I sample my batter as I go along to make sure that the cupcakes will taste the way I want them.  By the time I am finished with a batch, I'm sure I have ingested the equivalent of 1 cupcake, then I have to taste my final product, so we're up to 2 cupcakes.   Usually later that evening I have my 3rd cupcake.

The holidays are coming up.  I usually cook the meal.  My family has certain items we like, and it doesn't feel like the holiday without those foods.  Birthdays, weddings, celebrations - it is required that you have a piece of cake ....

Here's where I end my excuses and take responsibility for my actions.

The truth is, I have always had a problem with food, but it isn't just me that is affected by my food addiction.  I feed and example completely wrong habits for my loved ones, especially my kids.  My husband and my boys are obese.  When people come to my house, 90% of the time they eat, and its not healthy food.

I've done this before and I'm going to try again.  I'm going to be as honest and forthcoming as I can be.  I weigh somewhere in the neighborhood of 215 pounds.  I have had a cupcake and a serving of chicken pot pie already today.  If I counted the calories, I would be beyond what my intake should be.  But, I have dinner and snacks coming up.  I have a choice to make good food decisions and bad decisions.   Cold turkey doesn't work for me.  I have to make the choices and live with them.

For someone who doesn't understand addiction, this totally sounds easy.  It sounds easy to me to not be an alcoholic, I just don't drink alcohol.   Its sounds easy to me to not be addicted to illicit drugs, just don't try them.  It sounds easy to me to not be addicted to porn, just don't look at it. People have genuine addictions.

I'm here to say, I am an addict, and I am going to do my best to live a healthier lifestyle, and you can watch me, and I invite you to call me on it, if you see me screwing up. After all, life is not food, food is not life.  Life is balance, and with God's help. I'll achieve balance.

K